


Maybe Next Time

by certifiedtragedy



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Death, Heavy Angst, I don't know how to fucking tag, Multi, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Movie: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Very angst, like wow a friend said this was dark, mentions of Gamora, mentions of nebula - Freeform, mostly peter quill/thor, please criticize my work, this is a very dull fic, uhh a specific type of death warning because i wanna warn but also spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 09:54:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16992780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/certifiedtragedy/pseuds/certifiedtragedy
Summary: As much as Peter felt jealous of and upstaged by the man, it was true that Thor was charismatic, charming, bringing an air of humour and laughter in the spaceship of anxious inevitability. Peter remembered trying to subtly shift into Thor, trying to copy his qualities that were liked by so many. In such a short time, Thor had earned Peter’s fondness. He had gotten attached to the pirate god with weary guilt in his eye.





	Maybe Next Time

“So, where were they?” Rocket spoke for him in an uncharacteristically small voice. Strange shook his head, as though he was trying to clear the memories in his own head. Peter’s head felt especially blank. He had no memories of anything that happened after Mantis dusted away in his arms.

 

His incomplete team stood around the small conference room by the borders of Wakanda. They were scattered and not quite as reunited as he had hoped they would be, but he couldn’t blame them. Nothing was quite the same with the suffocating absence. Gamora hasn’t made it back. They heard the most likely possibility that happened. Thanos and Gamora travelled to Vormir. He returned with the Soul Stone, but not with Gamora. Anger unfurled in the pits of Peter’s stomach.

 

What kind of sick bastard would kill his own daughter for power? He shook his head. He knew the answer. The Mad Titan would. And he did. There was nothing to change anymore. His anger was replaced by tiredness. Strange spoke again, breaking him out of his thoughts.

 

“It seems we were trapped in some sort of, alternate universe, created in our own minds.” Strange seemed certain about his theory, and there wasn’t exactly evidence to prove him wrong.

 

“Our own minds? I don’t, I don’t remember anything?” Peter croaked out. He hated hearing the raw emotion in his voice.

 

“I talked to the other victims and it seemed as though they were trapped in their own nightmares.” Strange shrugged, “There’s not exactly a lot to go on, but if you traumatized yourself well enough during your vacation, you might’ve forgotten it.” He waved a hand and opened a portal big enough for an arm, “You know, to protect yourself.”

 

Peter slowly nodded. It made sense. Strange pulled out a piece of paper, with what looked like a list of names. It was easy to guess what the list of names was for.

 

“What is that?” Rocket warily asked. Strange glanced at him and braced himself for the answer.

 

“The names of people who didn’t make it.” He threw it on the table on their side of the table.

 

Peter couldn’t see the names from his spot, but he didn’t want to move any closer to the truth. Dread coursed through him, yet his feet numbly carried him to the table anyway. He recognized a few names, and he personally knew some others. Knowing what was coming beforehand, he was able to brace himself when his eyes landed on Gamora’s printed name. He hesitated before his eyes continued downwards. The scanning stilled. A mention of the person that caught his breath was one of a god’s: Thor.

 

Suddenly, he thought back and remembered the moments Thor had interacted with them on their ship. It wasn’t long, and a lot of the conversations weren’t with him but he couldn’t deny the unexpected grief that barrelled into him. As much as Peter felt jealous of and upstaged by the man, it was true that Thor was charismatic, charming, bringing an air of humour and laughter in the spaceship of anxious inevitability. Peter remembered trying to subtly shift into Thor, trying to copy his qualities that were liked by so many. In such a short time, Thor had earned Peter’s fondness. He had gotten attached to the pirate god with weary guilt in his eye.

 

“Quill, we have a plan.”

 

He blinked back into the room at the sound of Rocket’s voice.

 

“Plan isn’t really what we do.” Peter didn’t have time to recognize the deja vu the words brought him. Mantis laid a hand on his and frowned. Peter couldn’t say he wasn’t surprised when Mantis didn’t say anything. He couldn’t tell his own feelings apart, let alone someone who has been stored away from society for years.

 

Rocket sighed.

 

“We’re going to get Gamora back.”

 

Peter felt a flicker of hope ignite. His eyes gazed down on the page of names before him and the frail flame was extinguished the moment it was lit.

 

“Okay.”

 

He didn’t have the energy to argue. To lead. To make suggestions. Here Rocket was, making choices, trying to rope the team together. Thor was right, maybe Rocket really was the captain all along. Strangely, he didn’t feel any jealousy flare up. The cold numbness continued to persist in the air around him, constricting the movement of his chest, the draws of each breath.

 

“I am Groot.”

 

Groot hadn’t picked up his video game once ever since he came back. Peter still heard, ‘I am Groot’, but he knew what Groot was saying. Peter quickly placed a reassuring smile on his face. It even tasted fake.

 

“Yeah! Of course, I’m okay. You guys go, I’ll stay here in case something happens on Earth.”

 

Rocket narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Peter.

 

“Promise not to do anything stupid until we get back?”

 

Something in his stomach dropped.

 

“Yeah, okay, I promise.”

 

Drax muttered to Rocket when they walked out, “Are we really going to be able to get Gamora back?” Rocket’s low response was muffled by the shut of the door.

 

Peter’s mouth filled with sour saliva and bile touched the back of his throat. He heaved and gagged. Nothing dripped out but his own panic. How long could he go on like this?

 

He didn’t bother recollecting his thoughts as he ambled outside. Rocket found the pod he, Groot and Thor used to get to Nidavellir. Apparently, he had ended up just leaving it there.

 

Rocket told him the story in one of his mindless rambles to fill the suffocating silence. The Bifrost, the rush and pull of the rainbow bridge. Rocket didn’t leave out a single detail about how cool Thor looked when he smashed his electrifying Warhammer and split the ground beneath him. Peter replayed the story again. His massive presence was gone. A hole appeared in the world to replace the god when he died. The hole in Peter’s chest grew emptier.

 

He found himself standing at the blown wide entrance of the pod. He stumbled into the small contraption and leaned back in Groot’s seat, his elbow pushing against a row of buttons. A screen glowed up on a panel beside him. It was a recording from the only camera he had set up in the pod.

 

“—Stabbed through the heart.”

 

The very voice Peter mocked that day fizzled through the half-burnt speakers. His heart gave a cruel lurch. Rocket’s voice filtered through next, small and lined with concern.

 

“Are you sure you’re up to this particular murder mission?”

 

A silence passed before a visibly forced smile spread on Thor’s face and he wheezed out a chuckle. “Absolutely. The rage and, uh, vengeance, anger, loss, regret, they’re all tremendous motivators. They really clear the mind, so I’m—I’m good to go.” The audio barely caught the sniffle that escaped Thor.

 

“Yeah, but I mean this Thanos we’re talking about, he’s the toughest there is.”

 

“Well, he’s never fought me.”

 

“Yeah, he has.”  
  
“He’s never fought me twice.”

 

Peter let out a broken chuckle, interrupted by Thor’s next words.

 

“And I’m getting a new hammer, don’t forget.”

 

“Well, it better be some hammer.”

 

Thor took a sharp intake of breath. “You know, I’m 1500 years old. I’ve killed twice as many enemies as that and every one of them would rather kill me but none succeeded. I’m only alive because fate wants me alive. Thanos is just the latest in a long line of bastards and he’ll be the latest to feel my vengeance; fate wills it so.”

 

“And what if you’re wrong?”

 

Peter let out a breathy and wild laugh. He was wrong. He followed fate’s path and look where it got him. The laughter didn’t die down until Thor continued speaking. As he listened to Thor accept his ending, he felt himself slowly become unhinged.

 

“Well, if I’m wrong then… What more could I lose?” Peter watched Thor wipe away a tear, invisible to the camera. What more could he have lost? Peter closed the recording and made his way to the back of the pod, sitting where Thor had sat and counted his losses. And accepted his death.

 

Peter stared at the half-naked trees that surrounded the meadow. Stripped of bark and leaves by the battles of brutality and warfare. He stared, and he pondered.

 

If he was placed by fate in the very same spot Thor was, would he have been able to accept whatever outcome was given to him? No, he decided. If he didn’t want it, he wouldn’t take it. After all, wasn’t that always what he did? Took whatever actions were necessary to get what he wanted?

 

He remembered when Thor stared into his eyes, once annoyed, and another dismissive. Something breaks and claws at his insides. An epiphany. Maybe he wanted to know Thor better. Maybe a part of him wanted Thor to see that there was more to him than what others called a bothersome personality. But Thor is dead. His opinion of him, unchanged. Was that selfish of him? He couldn’t tell. He didn’t care.

 

He turned away from the irritating sunlight that dared shine on him when all he wanted was nothingness. A weapons rack leaned on the side of the pod, it’s bottom screwed in tightly with the floor.

 

Drax, Mantis, Groot, Rocket. They had all gone to Vormir with the Soul Stone in an attempt to bring Gamora back. If all you needed to do to bring the sacrificial lamb back was to return the stone, why was paying with something you loved a big deal. You’d get them back once you’ve finished your errand with the stone. Rocket’s trip was doomed to fail from the beginning. There was no hope in bringing her back. There was no point. The team would never be the same and he knew it. It felt as though he had grieved for Gamora for years now. He was ready to let her go. The smothering urgency to grieve for Thor banged his ribs from the inside. He was tired.

 

He plucked a CB off the rack and fiddled with it. It had already been filled with ammo, readied and prepared to fight against Thanos. It was useless now. Thanos was gone and the people that fought are gone along with him. His chest panged when he thought of the body count, Thor amongst them.

 

The CB pistol in his hands didn’t have a safety. You just pulled the trigger and it shot out a concentrated blast. It was smaller, lighter and simpler than the Quad Blasters he felt so familiar with. It would work anyway. If he tried, it would work anyway. The weapon of choice didn’t matter.

 

He was never one to be a religious type, but he felt something comforting about joining the deceased that carried so many of his loved ones. He thought about his mother, Gamora, Yondu, the people he met on his travels and failed to save. Thor.

 

He almost giggled. The barrel of the blaster was cold and bitter in his mouth.

 

Was there really anything left for him?

 

He didn’t want to think.

 

Next time. Thor’s opinion will change. Next time.

 

He didn’t have to think.

  


Thor grinned around him at the return of the universe. Reunited. Whole. Rocket clambered onto his shoulder to get his attention. Groot tugged at his cape.

 

“Hey, Thor! Nebula just sent me a signal. She’s on Titan with 2 other humans. They might need a ride home. Wanna come?”

 

“Of course!” Thor easily agreed. They defeated Thanos. He had avenged his people, his friends, his family. Thor gave Stormbreaker a swing and within seconds, they were enveloped in a rainbow beam. “Are you ready to meet up with the rest of your team?”

 

“Yeah!” Rocket gave an excited laugh at the thought of seeing his friends again. “I hope Quill and the others are okay.”

 

Thor offered Rocket a smile. He had thought of the Quill fellow as annoying, entitled. Mocking the way he talked and imitating his words. But… He couldn’t deny a spark he saw in his eyes. He held himself with respect and that was something Thor had always admired. As they sped through the Bifrost, Thor’s hesitant smile became easy and strangely, his heartbeat paced unnaturally fast. He found himself looking forward to meeting the intriguing man again.

 

They landed and the colours cleared. Dust was still gathering into figures. Thor’s eyes were drawn to the quickest reassembling figure.

 

He spotted the man’s dirty blonde hair first.

 

And then his forehead.

 

And then his eyes. Unmoving eyes. Open. Empty.

 

Then came the mouth. It hinged open. You could see through to the other side.

 

Blood dripped down until it puddled in the curves of the collarbone. It stained the clothes. The pants. The ground beneath him. It dyed crimson hands that locked in a curled position, as though his fingers had frozen on a trigger.

 

“You’ve changed.” Thor’s thoughts rang out.

Peter’s sunken downcasted eyes refused to meet his gaze. If he strained to listen, he could hear questioning words back.

 

“How so?”

 

“You’re dead.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fanfic for my twin flame Mia <33 It's supposed to be ThorQuill but honestly, I can't even tell what is love and what is angst at this point.
> 
> I would like to thank Lighting_Bug713 for beta reading my crapping work!! It'd be great if Y'all can check out her fics in return!
> 
> Criticism is very welcome and heavily needed lmao!!


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